Every night I faced a battle with extreme temperatures. After getting a hot flash at bedtime, I spent the whole night sweating through my t-shirt, not sleeping, and freezing as if I had just swum in a glacial lake.
After months of hot and cold cycles every night, I figured out a system. I had a pile of clean t-shirts next to my bed. Once you’re done sweating, you reach down and grab the next shirt from the top of the pile, change into it, and throw the discarded shirt on the floor in a soggy heap. Some time passed and I still wasn’t fully awake. I felt like I was freezing, so I changed my shirt and immediately fell asleep. It was perfect for me.
For my husband, it was less perfect. Every time I changed his shirt, he would wake up wide and not go back to sleep for hours. It wasn’t until he finally ditched our bed to sleep in his office that I realized that he and I were suffering from menopause.
The vasomotor symptoms (VMS) of menopause, such as night sweats and hot flushes, are associated with decreased estrogen levels. Declining estrogen levels during menopause cause an imbalance in a brain chemical called neurokinin B (NKB) in the brain’s thermoregulatory centers. This chemical imbalance can cause hot flashes and night sweats. Women may experience VMS for many years, sometimes more than 10 years.
See: How to Cope with Common Menopause Symptoms >>
Vasomotor symptoms of menopause are poorly treated.
VMS is common but undertreated. In fact, one small study found that nearly 9 in 10 women reported experiencing VMS on average up to 5 times per day, but only 1 in 3 of these women received treatment for their symptoms. Two out of three women said their symptoms lasted up to five years, with some even saying they had been suffering from VMS for over 10 years. Women also reported that VMS disrupted sleep and decreased physical, emotional, and mental well-being.
Dr. Sheryl Kingsberg, chief of behavioral medicine at University Hospitals Cleveland Medical Center and a member of the HealthyWomen Women’s Health Advisory Board, said her study (sponsored by Astellas) showed that moderate to severe VMS also interferes with relationships.
In a study co-authored by Kingsberg, nearly four in 10 women and more than 4 in 10 partners reported a decline in relationship satisfaction. Less than half of the women reported that VMS was responsible for their decline in satisfaction, while more than half of their partners believed that VMS was the cause. Only a very small percentage of women and their partners reported that VMS had no effect on reduced relationship satisfaction.
Menopause symptoms may cause a decrease in intimacy.
The study also found that more than nine in 10 women said VMS reduced their sexual desire, with half saying the effect was “significant.” VMS may also play an important role in sexual response by reducing the amount of blood directed to the vagina and clitoris during sex. “(Decreased sexual response) is very common. Often (women) think it’s just a normal sign of aging,” Kingsberg said. “It’s not true. It’s menopause.”
Genitourinary symptoms of menopause, such as vaginal dryness, burning, itching, and pain during intercourse, can also make sex painful and reduce sexual desire.
A decrease in sexual desire can have a significant impact on emotional and physical intimacy. “Women may begin to avoid sexual activity, making their partner feel rejected or not wanting to hurt their partner if sex becomes painful,” Kingsberg said. This may cause couples to stop contact. Even the smallest gestures, such as a hug or kiss, can be interpreted as a move toward sex, which can trigger physical pain or fear of rejection.
Kingsberg advised that struggling couples can benefit from learning new communication skills to talk about sex and intimacy and slowly incorporating physical touch back into their relationship.
Open communication can prevent relationship problems
“Communication is key” to supporting a partner going through menopause, Kingsberg said. “In our study, we found that both women with VMS and their partners overestimated their own communication skills and thought the other was lacking. This shows that there is a communication gap.”
Kingsberg and her colleagues asked how partners perceived their efforts to support women through VMS. Partners reported being very supportive, saying they helped women with VMS with acts of love, such as lowering the temperature in the bedroom, listening, and being empathetic. But women with VMS told Kingsberg and colleagues a different story. “Partners overestimated the support they were providing.”
Kingsberg said partners should talk openly about their challenges and needs. “There is a conspiracy of silence about the problems that come with menopause,” Kingsberg said. “Partners don’t want to embarrass or be critical of women because of VMS.”
As a result, a pile of t-shirts and a daybed conveniently placed in your office should not be used as a treatment option or considered a long-term solution. “Women and their partners should not suffer alone or together,” Kingsberg said. “We found that women were more likely to seek treatment for their symptoms with encouragement from their partners.” By encouraging open and active search for solutions with trusted medical professionals and resisting the urge to cobble together separate solutions, partners can become a resource for the women with temperature issues they love.
This training material was created with support from Astellas, a member of the HealthyWomen Corporate Advisory Board.
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