I was diagnosed with autism in middle age

April is Autism Acceptance Month.

As I said to Jacqueline Fröber

I always knew there was something different about my brain. And I was always looking for someone who could help me figure it out.

As a young person, I went to several health care providers and was told that I had attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), and anxiety. It’s all true. And although each diagnosis felt like a step in the right direction, I couldn’t escape the constant internal questions. What made me so different?

After graduating from college, I got married and had two children. Life has been busy, but I never stopped trying to find the answer to that question. Then, when I turned 31, everything changed.

One day at work, a co-worker of mine told me that her daughter had been diagnosed with autism. I felt my heart racing. Her daughter and I were college sweethearts and we looked very similar. In fact, we were both homecoming queens in high school. If she was autistic, I didn’t know what autism was.

Taylor with family, 2023

I began quietly reading about autism. Since I was already a girl with OCD, ADHD, and anxiety, I didn’t want to throw something else at me without being sure. But it wasn’t long before I began to recognize myself in descriptions of autism.

I’ve always felt fluent in two languages, but I can’t use my native voice at all because I’m constantly adapting to which language I have to speak. It’s like observing a situation and taking note of how people interact (tone of voice and facial expressions). So I can filter what I’m trying to say before I actually say it.

Other signs, like feeling tired for a few days after a social event, are also starting to make sense.

I contacted a classmate who had recently been diagnosed and she recommended me to a psychologist.

I was anxious about going to the appointment. Even though I knew in my heart that I was 100% autistic, it was important to me to get an official diagnosis. I get things done by teaching and sharing because it helps to empower. I wanted to teach others about autism and get a diagnosis for credibility. But what if she doesn’t agree?

The actual appointment did little to calm my nerves. It was a sensory nightmare. The air conditioner was broken and the temperature outside was over 100 degrees. Because we were still in a pandemic, everyone was wearing masks, and a clear partition separated me and the psychologist in the exam room. Between the mask, the heat, and feeling completely overwhelmed, I just prayed that she could see me for who I was.

Thankfully she did. After testing, the diagnosis was confirmed. I was autistic! Hearing those words made me feel like I was home, and the questions that had plagued me for years suddenly quieted down. It was as if the camera was focused and I could see things clearly. I cried tears of joy. I felt really relieved.

Not having words to describe your experience is so isolating. There is a huge component to shame, and many undiagnosed autistic adults feel broken, invisible, and like they will never be understood.

Now that I had the language to describe my struggles and my differences, I wanted to help other autistic adults feel less alone and feel more empowered.

In 2021, I started the YouTube channel Mom on the Spectrum as a way to reach the autism community and share my experiences. I also saw this channel as a library of videos that young children could watch one day when they were ready to learn about autism.

Taylor with some of the Mom members of the Spectrum community, 2025.

Gradually the channel became more popular and I was happy. But I wasn’t sure how long I could keep my mom on the spectrum. I was going through a difficult divorce and interviewing for a new job as a software developer. Adding families and kids and worrying about the pandemic made me feel like there weren’t enough hours in the day.

Then the thought occurred to me, ‘What if I bet 100% on myself?’ I’ve spent my whole life wearing masks, pretending to keep me out of touch with what I actually want and need. Now I can clearly see that I can trust myself and choose myself. And I did.

About a year after I created Mom on the Spectrum, I made a video about 16 Traits of Female Autism and it went viral. Immediately I started getting new subscribers and a lot of interest in my channel. The video currently has over 1.7 million views. And Mom on the Spectrum has over 360,000 followers.

Starting my channel has given me a voice and a platform to help other autistic people understand their brains. It may have taken 31 years, but I finally got in touch with my true self, and it was worth the wait.

Do you have a real woman, a real story of your own, that you’d like to share? please let us know.

Our Real Women, Real Stories captures the real experiences of real women. The views, opinions and experiences shared in these stories are not endorsed by HealthyWomen and do not necessarily reflect HealthyWomen’s official policy or position.