I was diagnosed with endometrial cancer while undergoing IVF.

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As I said to Jacqueline Fröber

While I was working, my cell phone rang.

The doctor on the other side said, “You have endometrial cancer.”

I felt all the blood leaving my body. “I guess you got the wrong number,” I opened my mouth, but no words came out. I was shocked.

My heart raced. I didn’t wait for any test results. But earlier that week I had surgery to remove polyps from my uterus in preparation for the upcoming IVF.

I was preparing for life. I was not prepared for cancer.

The strange thing about that day was that my OB/GYN was also an oncologist, so I was able to see her right away. Bad news: He recommended a complete hysterectomy.

Sitting in his office, I felt the severity of the situation: sadness, grief, and anger all at once. I mourned the life he said I couldn’t have. And if I survive, I will be living a life I never intended.

But there was hope. He said I could choose fertility-sparing treatment, which involves taking oral medications to see what effect it would have on the cancer. He told me there was limited time to try treatment and that I would eventually have to have a hysterectomy. I wanted to try to get pregnant so it was the only option for me.

I put IVF on the backburner and started treatment right away. Almost immediately, the side effects listed on the label became reality. I was at home watching TV when a fever began to boil inside me. I watched in disbelief as a red line formed on my right hand and moved up my arm, eventually covering my entire body. It felt like I was in a Marvel movie. The heat was so bad that I wondered if I should go to the hospital. It was my first experience with hot flashes, but it certainly wasn’t my last.

I quickly realized that there were a lot of things about my body that I had no control over. Before my diagnosis, I was always energetic and mobile. However, the treatment resulted in extreme weight gain and fatigue. I was so tired that I had to take a nap in the office every day around 2pm and hoped no one would see me. My body felt like it had been hit by a bus.

I also had a hard time opening up to other people. It didn’t feel right to talk to friends or family about cancer. Of course they all said it with good intentions, but they didn’t really understand it. My health care advocate told me about the cancer support group at Gilda’s Club New York City, so I decided to go.

At first I felt like I didn’t belong, but everyone immediately accepted me. I didn’t have to say anything. We have all been bound by the sadness that cancer has in common: fear. The support group helped me get through some of my hardest times and lifted my spirits in ways I never thought possible.

2019 (Photo/Karen Gerrard)

And I needed all the support I could get. Every two months I had a biopsy to track any changes and/or cancerous growths. Any biopsy meant going under anesthesia, taking time off work, and all the stress of surgery.

But even after a year, there was no change. The doctor said the treatment wasn’t working and that I should proceed with a hysterectomy unless the next biopsy was clear.

On the subway ride home, tears flowed. A wave of sadness washed over me. I felt so alone and defeated. All my dreams suddenly disappeared. I was shattered.

And I heard an inner voice. The message was loud and clear. I was powerful. It was more powerful than I realized. And I decided to believe it.

I knew that hormones could promote disease, so I switched to a plant-based diet to avoid the hormones found in animal products. I read every book I could about veganism and tried to eat as cleanly as possible. It wasn’t easy. I loved a good cheeseburger. But avoiding the extra hormones was something I could do.

I also relied on that inner voice through meditation. I learned to let go of the anger I was holding on to and embrace more healing energy.

The day of the biopsy, I was extremely nervous. And waiting for the results was really painful. When I finally went to the doctor’s office, I got some surprising news. I didn’t have cancer.

That was 7 years ago and I am still in remission. I never went back to IVF and ultimately made the difficult decision to have a hysterectomy to avoid future complications.

I am truly grateful that I was able to diagnose endometrial cancer early through the IVF process. I didn’t have any symptoms. There was no abnormal bleeding. I was 38 years old. This was much younger than the average age for this type of cancer. Who knows how much time would have passed if I hadn’t had polyp surgery?

I rarely think about cancer and that time in my life, but the lessons I learned – listening to myself and doing what I think is right for me – will always stay with me. Sure, your health care provider is great, but they’re really the only expert on you. Listen to your inner voice. We are all more powerful than we think.

This training material was created with support from: Merck.

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