Jessie James Decker recalls walking out on stage to headline her own concert when she had a migraine attack. “Every note I sang felt like my head was going to explode,” she said. “It was terrible.”
This was just one of many times Decker felt she had no choice but to overcome her migraine pain.
Decker has lived with this condition for as long as he can remember. “I’ve had migraines (attacks) since I was little, but for a long time I didn’t understand what was going on,” she said. “I think I had a really bad headache.”
When migraines hit, she often experienced dull, pounding pain. “I felt like I had to lie down with my eyes closed,” she said, noting that this was a much more serious symptom than a typical headache that could be treated with over-the-counter medication and moved on. “Sometimes it would last for days,” she said. “I knew it was more than that.”
When she was 22, Decker met her husband, NFL player Eric Decker. After a few months of dating, she and Eric moved in together, and he began to notice a pattern and felt it had to be more than just a headache. “I was constantly complaining about my hair, and he encouraged me to get it checked out,” Decker said.
With Eric’s encouragement, Decker underwent a comprehensive examination and was diagnosed with migraines. “It only came to light after many years of not knowing what was happening,” she said. The next step was figuring out how to take care of myself and finding treatments that might help.
How to learn to prioritize self-care
Looking back on her life before being diagnosed with migraines, Decker recognizes that she probably would not have managed her health as well as she does now. “I’ve learned a lot over the years and become much better at taking care of myself.”
She admitted that she had always been a force person. “My mindset has always been, ‘Let’s push through, let’s push through and get it done,’” she said. But after learning more about migraines, she realized she needed to prioritize both her mental and physical health.
When it comes to migraines, there is no one-size-fits-all solution. “Some people try acupuncture, chiropractic care, medication or holistic approaches,” Decker said. “When it comes to living with migraines, I want to find something that works, so I’ve tried almost everything.”
She learned how to tune into her triggers and adjust her lifestyle accordingly. For example, a few years ago she was lifting very heavy weights and realized it was triggering her condition. “I’m naturally strong, so my trainer kept pushing me to lift heavier weights,” Decker said. But every time she left the gym, she would get a migraine attack that could last for days. “The connection I made was when my husband said, ‘You need to stop doing this. The weight is hurting,’” she recalled. Decker has since completely changed her workout routine. “Now I’m focusing on bodyweight exercises and light dumbbell exercises,” she said. “I still have to pay attention because exercise can be a trigger for me.”
These days, when Decker feels a migraine attack approaching, she soaks in a hot tub, takes a bath, or finds other ways to relax and soothe her body. “Sometimes my husband strokes my neck.” she said “For me, it’s all about creating a calm environment and staying ahead of the curve.”
It was a blessing for Decker to have a partner who understood and recognized the signs before she could say anything. “He would tell me, ‘I have kids, go take care of yourself,’” Decker said.
She is glad that it has been a long time since she actually had a serious migraine attack, as she has become much better at managing her health and recognizing her triggers.
Read: Migraine Toolkit >>
interfere with one’s life
For Decker, one of the hardest parts of living with migraines was not being able to show up the way she wanted to. She recalled going to one of Eric’s soccer games during a terrible migraine attack. “The lights were bright, people were loud, and I sat there aching, not wanting to miss it. I held on, but now that I’m older and have learned more, I understand that it’s okay to take care of yourself first.”
She has since learned that if you can’t be the best version of yourself, it’s hard to give your best to others. “When you feel good, you can fully present yourself to those around you,” she said. “I can’t do anything when I’m not feeling well. That’s why self-care is important.”
Decker has also had to learn how to slow down her schedule, noting that as a performer and entrepreneur she is prone to burnout, which she recognizes as one of her biggest triggers. “I tend to take on a lot of things because I feel like I can handle them all, but having too much on my schedule can lead to migraines,” she said. “I’ve learned to be more careful about not putting too much on my plate in one day.”
The importance of seeking help
Over the years, Decker has learned what is best for migraine prevention and treatment. Looking back, she wishes she had asked for help sooner.
“Like many people, I put off getting help because I felt overwhelmed,” she said. “When you think about calling the doctor, making an appointment, dealing with insurance and sitting in a waiting room, it can feel like a lot of work.” She admits she probably ignored her symptoms for longer than she should have because she didn’t want to deal with the process. But since then, she’s recognized the importance of getting the help she needs. This message is one of the reasons she partnered with AbbVie’s Love in Mind campaign. The campaign encourages migraine sufferers to have honest conversations with their partners and health care providers (HCPs), find a personalized treatment plan, and stop letting migraines alone fuel them.
“I want to be an advocate and help spread the message that you don’t have to suffer alone or in silence,” Decker said. “If something is going on, speak up and get help.” She reiterated that her husband played an important role in recognizing and managing her condition. Her advice for loved ones suffering from migraines? “Pay attention to the signs and stay connected with your partner.”
Read: How to support a loved one during a migraine attack >>
“My husband knows when a migraine is coming before I even say it,” Decker said. “He’s learned my signs over the years.”
She also reminds people to tell both their families and HCPs how they feel. “Migraines are often invisible. It’s not like a broken arm or a visible injury,” she said. “If your partner doesn’t communicate what they’re going through, it can be hard to know how to help. That’s why communication is so important.”
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