The doctors told me there was nothing they could do for my chronic pain.

As I said to Nicole Audrey Spector

It was a confusing time. I was 45 years old and working full time with two children (one in high school and one in elementary school). And there were requirements to being a pastor’s wife. Both of my sons have hemophilia, a rare bleeding disorder. The youngest child was admitted to the hospital and then discharged. Every day I was on guard, waiting for a call from his school telling me we had to rush to get him to the emergency room.

One night, I was taking out the trash. The ground was slippery with ice, and I slipped and fell on my back. It happened so fast. One moment I was standing, the next moment I was looking straight up at a blanket filled with twinkling stars. I was able to get up, but the arm I fell on was badly bruised.

The bruise quickly turned black and blue. It was exactly like the bruises my sons received. I was worried that I might also have a bleeding disorder (hemophilia is genetic and transmitted through the female X chromosome), so I visited a hemophilia treatment center the next day. Fortunately, the test results showed that there was no disability. It’s just a badly bruised arm.

After about a week, the bruise had healed, but I began to feel severe pain in my neck. I went to my doctor, who examined me and found nothing obvious wrong. I thought it must have been a struggle to keep holding my youngest son, who couldn’t walk due to severe bleeding in his knee joint, and loading and unloading the wheelchair into the car.

It seemed to make sense. But the pain got worse and I couldn’t understand why my neck pain got worse when I fell on my arms.

I pretty much did what any extremely busy, stressed-out mom would do, especially moms caring for chronically ill children. I just kept doing one thing at a time. Other managers in similar situations understand that. It gets to the point where it becomes almost impossible to take care of yourself, even when it literally feels like you’re separated.

2025 (Photo/Rebecca Evans)

I hoped the pain would go away on its own, but two years after my fall, I had to do something. I decided to take some time for myself and finally see an interventional pain specialist. The doctor planned to administer a steroid injection into my spine. He worked with a partner who specialized in pain management. I went back and forth between these two specialists, and while the therapy helped, it wasn’t enough. I have always been in severe pain.

Six years later, my pain doctor looked me in the eye and said, “I don’t think there’s anything more I can do for you.”

I felt crushed, confused and angry. I looked at him and thought, “You’ve got to be kidding.”

But what can I say to a professional who has reached his limit with me?

I was managing my medication thoroughly and maintaining the highest allowable dose. Although I took my medications carefully as prescribed, I became dependent on them. I took medication five times a day to function. It was literally clockwork. An alarm will sound when pill time comes. If you don’t follow this regimen, you won’t be able to drive, take care of your family, or work outside the home (even if you work part time as a pastor).

2024 Kazandra Ordination Ceremony (Photo/Pastor Craig Cockrell)

I was also traveling around the country doing advocacy work for the bleeding disorder community, and as I was getting ready to board another flight, I realized I couldn’t do it anymore. Even after taking medication, the pain was blinding. I needed to find an end to this pattern and get off this medication.

A friend connected me with another pain management specialist who examined me closely and told me words that filled my heart with the magic of hope. “I think I can help.”

I shed tears.

Chronic pain has dominated my life for over six years. One doctor had given up on me, and now a new doctor finally saw my struggle and believed he could help. He looked at me.

The doctor clenched his jaw when he saw the narcotic painkillers I had been taking for years. I didn’t realize the benefits of this drug. Obviously, you don’t typically see such strong drugs prescribed outside of hospitals.

The doctor who prescribed me painkillers had no intention of stopping me when I asked for them. He mentioned the basic plan, but as an aside. So I tried it myself. My new doctor was shocked that I was able to wean on my own without any guidance.

Over the years, I have worked closely with pain management specialists and neurosurgeons to pinpoint the source of my pain. Although the cause is still a mystery, the treatment plan was clear.

I’ve had neck fusions, spinal decompression, epidurals, ablation, and too many steroid injections (I still get them as needed). Spinal decompression surgery was probably the most difficult surgery to recover from. It led to chronic neuropathy, but the result was a quality of life I thought I would never have again.

It’s been hard, but I can tell you that I’m finally able to take deep breaths in a way I couldn’t when I was stuck in pain. I can go horseback riding again. And I can work full time with my family without the deafening buzz of pain.

To be clear, it’s not 100% pain-free, but even on a bad day it’s a 4 on a scale of 1-10. Even with the medication, I always stayed at 7 o’clock. I still have some neuropathy in my fingers, but you know what? I will take any time I have been through pain that I can barely manage 24/7.

Today I am embracing a new career and working as a hospice chaplain. I am often surrounded by people who are suffering deeply. I feel for them on a level so deep that words can’t express it. And I see them. I see them in a way I never could before. I also experienced extreme pain. It feels like taking off your sunglasses and seeing the vivid colors of life.

I am a woman blessed beyond imagination. A big part of this blessing is because I advocated for myself and fought for my health in a system that was perfectly content to keep me stuck with a drug addiction problem that I couldn’t solve.

Maybe you are going through something similar. Maybe you’ve been abandoned by those in white coats. If you have it, don’t give up. Find someone who will fight for you. Be courageous enough not to accept an answer, no matter how trivial, just because someone has “MD” after their name.

Every day we are given, every moment we breathe is a possibility to be part of something better. Getting better. Sometimes all you need is a pity party (I often break party hats and confetti), but don’t lose hope. And don’t stop looking for professionals who will truly listen to you. They are out there, and when they look into your eyes and actually see you, you will know: there is hope for them too.

Do you have a real woman, a real story of your own, that you’d like to share? please let us know.

Our Real Women, Real Stories captures the real experiences of real women. The views, opinions and experiences shared in these stories are not endorsed by HealthyWomen and do not necessarily reflect HealthyWomen’s official policy or position.