Imagine, my dear reader, how delighted I was to learn that the topic I wanted to write about – etiquette in dress – exists in a graded commonality.
I love the sliding scale. Whether it’s format, color, or technology, I love explaining how questions that are often treated as binary are better understood as a gently shaded spectrum that we all sit on at different times and at different points.
Etiquette is similar. Manners are about being considerate and respectful of those around you, so what is considered good manners depends on the people in question. (Like the question Whether you dress for yourself or for someone else.)
Personally, I hate it when people don’t take off their hats indoors. Faces are partially obscured, making conversation more difficult. They feel like they are still wearing their outerwear, so they can get up and leave at any time. And it feels strange and out of place.
Now, as you know, some of those reasons are objective, some are very subjective, and some are highly dependent on the society around us.
That is the problem of our time. Most people today think they will notice if someone is wearing a hat at the dinner table. But in the past I would have paid much more attention.
And it’s a question of location. A friend in New Mexico recently told me that where he lives, Western hats are always worn during meals, such as Sunday lunch. In fact, the more formal the event, the more you will need.
However, taking off your hat indoors is a fairly common etiquette. Most readers would probably agree with this. This is located at the common end of the sliding scale.
What’s on the other side? A reader once chastised me for wearing a brimmed hat with the crown pointing inward rather than outward. I held it at my side, with the crown pointing toward my thigh, exposing the inside of the hat.
Scandal.
I’m sure it’s rare and somewhat outdated, as I’ve generally never heard of this. I think you can see the logic. Most clothing hides the lining and intentionally leaves it uncovered. Likewise, the shirtfront was considered underwear and was hidden by waistcoats and jackets. That kind of thing can apply to hats too. But that is unreasonable.
If these two are extremes, what lies in between?
I know one rule in particular is that you have to hold the umbrella handle when walking. You can see how much more elegant and practical this is. There is less chance of your hands getting wet due to the damp canopy.
However, carrying an umbrella like that makes you feel formal and old-fashioned, like you should also wear a bowler hat, so it’s something I rarely do.
As much as I love tailoring, I try to dress fairly casually to make my clothes less flashy in a society where very few people wear suits and ties. For the same reason, I try to avoid accessories that interfere with this (e.g. briefcase). The umbrella carried like a cane is also in that context.
So I don’t follow that rule.
There aren’t really many rules about how to dress (unlike the clothes you wear, there are a lot). This makes it difficult to connect them sufficiently to create a continuous scale.
But I think readers will know what I mean. Table manners are also similar.
When children are told not to talk with their mouths full, it seems obvious because the sight of half-chewed food is so unpleasant. But it’s harder to convince people that they should never put their elbows on the table. And it is also impossible to argue that soup should be scooped from the far side of the bowl rather than the near side. There is a sliding scale from more instinctive and universal to less instinctive.
maybe rule for what The important thing when it comes to getting dressed is understanding why the rules exist and deciding whether or not to follow them. Keeping your elbows off the table will generally improve your posture, or sitting posture, but keeping this in mind can be more effective than focusing solely on your elbows.
As always, I’m interested in what readers have to say about this topic, but I’m especially interested in what rules of etiquette you follow and how much you think they depend on where (and when) you live.
